I’m officially done at MTV – well not really, my official last day is the 2nd of May, but I took holiday time so that I could get my relocation stuff done. The last week was highly emotional for me – not because I was terribly sad to be leaving, but because I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do – professionally and emotionally.

It was so bad, I was worried I was going to have a break down. Add to that stress, my father wasn’t well and I was so worried about his prognosis, it was hard to focus. I also suddenly had people I’d barely worked with questioning my decisions – that really irked me. By end of day Thursday, I thought I was going to explode. I actually wondered if that was who people with high blood pressure felt. I worried for a bit what was happening to me.

So despite Friday being my last day, I decided to work from home in the hopes of helping calm me down. I spent the morning doing emails and still felt stressed. So I took time out and did some gardening. Ok, I attempted to mow my lawn. Despite doing a very bad job – patchy, wasteland is what it ended up being – but I felt so relaxed after that. I’d always heard that gardening was therapeutic, but being your typical city girl (despite being partly brought up on a farm), I didn’t think it would work for me.

I guess it was just the process of shutting myself out from the world and focusing on, well, nothing. My therapist says I’m too empathetic (can you be too empathetic?) and that it drains me of energy – not the energy that you use for physical activity, but the spiritual energy that sustains us. As the last couple of weeks have been intense to say the least, I guess I’d used up all that energy and was burnt out.

Too often in life we keep moving, even when we need to stop and recharge. And why does that surprise us? Even I live by the phrases money never sleeps and sleep is the cousin of death. I do believe that we should always be progressing, but I guess I’ve always thought of that progression as being financial or material, but not spiritual. And by spiritual, I don’t necessarily mean higher power sort of thing, but just feeding our souls, and personal growth from within.

I still have some work to finish, but I’m also taking time out to be good to myself. A couple more weeks and I’ll be back in Zambia, I want to go home with my mind in the right place, and return to a feeling of calm.

In the meantime, I’m going to experiment making key lime pie. Though as I don’t have a sweet tooth, I’ll have to find someone to share it with đŸ™‚

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