Since I got back to Lusaka I’ve been loving my free, single and ready to mingle life. When I was in London I was so sure I wanted to settle down and focus on maybe doing the whole wifey thing. As touched down on African soil that all changed!

Wedding bands

There are a lot less people in Lusaka than I knew growing up, most of them having moved out of the country, gotten married (therefore are never seen) or died I guess. It is definitely harder to find someone in the age range I usually go for (older than me these days) who are single and have no drama or baggage. I know a few of my friends who also relocated back to Zambia, opting for dating younger men.

I actually have been lucky to have been asked out by a couple of eligible bachelors. Once I got back on the dating scene I loved it, it had been awhile in the UK. But once I started dating, I started questioning if I really did want to settle down in a committed relationship.

Dating in Lusaka is definitely fun – guys don’t go dutch (well rarely), nor have I picked up the full bill – a welcome change from my dating days in London. Money aside, it’s also a nicer environment to get glammed up in – I never have to worry about wearing my heels because I don’t have to walk anywhere – well maybe from the car to the door of the restaurant. And Lusaka is so small, you’re bound to have similar stories or mutual friends to talk about when you run out of chit chat – so might help keep the date interesting a few minutes longer!

But it’s not only that. After some reflection on why I’d pretty much done a 180, I started to realise that it was my emotional unhappiness that made me want to settle down, thinking that I would be more satisfied in life if I had someone to share it with. Now that I’m back in Zambia, my family around me and leading an exciting career path, I don’t feel unfulfilled. I’m happy with my life.

However, the other day I did meet someone, he’s older, sorry more mature, than myself or indeed anyone I’ve ever dated before and it’s caught me slightly off balance. Unfortunately I don’t think we’re on the same page so doubt it will go anywhere but it’s had me questioning what I want in life and what I’m willing to live without. And though I’m sure that I want more, I also can’t help but be drawn to him. It’s not the older, wiser thing that does it – he looks no where near his age, and can be quite ‘young’ acting (not to be confused with childish), so I’m not even sure what it is…

At the same time, I haven’t officially stopped seeing the Adonis, but since he doesn’t call or text me as much, I’m safe to assume that he’s moved on to a new catch.

My real problem is that I’m also attracted to men who fancy me. I rarely fancy someone first and maybe that’s what is the problem with my ‘relationships’. I’m too busy basking in their attention, and then I feed off it and feel like I’m really into them, when I never really got to know them (or them me) to decide whether I really liked them or not. Could be a reason I can move on to someone else so quickly after a break up? Maybe…

I had lunch with an ex – who I didn’t speak to for close to a year because he’d been a dick – and he said that I needed to be honest with myself about what I wanted because he felt that one moment I was so confident and sure and the next… not so much. I guess he could see that in our relationship alone – I didn’t speak to him for ages, then called him inviting him out for drinks like nothing had happened. Though that’s me simplifying it, but the point is, when it comes to men, I can be wish-washy. Now that I’ve met Mr Mature, it has me questioning what I want all over again. I really wish I could be the kind of woman, who when it comes to men, she knows exactly what she wants… Though I guess knowing what you don’t want is half the battle. We’ll see how this goes but might be time for me to start doing things differently.

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