It comes down to the bottom line, are you happy?

A friend of mine has recently decided to throw in the towel with her seven year marriage because her husband didn’t make her feel special. I do simplify the issue, yes there were some very real reasons why the marriage didn’t work, and while people (her family, his family) would have preferred if, like other married women, she shipikishered (endured) it boiled down to that very simple issue.

I may not be an expert on love but I’m certainly an expert on heartache. I do believe relationships are hardwork – like anything worth having – but I do think the benefits must outweigh the hardwork. What is the point of putting in the effort and time to just feel miserable at the end of it all? While on the surface my friend and her husband seemed happy, the effort she was putting in to keep her marriage was eating away at her until she realised that she wasn’t being ‘rewarded’ for this effort with the love, respect, and affection she wanted and deserved.

I think it takes a strong person to leave a relationship that isn’t working. After all, it’s in our nature to want to be loved. But deep down when you’re not feeling special or fulfilled, all you’re feeling is miserable, unappreciated and empty.

Call me a hopeless romantic but I do believe that when you care about someone, you consider them and their feelings. You change (as difficult as it is) to make them happy, not because it’s important to you, but because it’s important to them. It’s the little things that count I think.

I’m beginning to understand the benefits of getting into a relationship when you are a whole person. What I mean is that you need to know who you are, what is important to you and what isn’t. I think, especially as women, we ignore the problems in our relationship because the man makes us ‘happy’. We ignore that that happiness is short-lived, if you’re only happy when you’re together but spend most of your time apart, is that enough to sustain a relationship?

We tend to fight for things long after we know that thing is broken or is not meant to be, rather than ask ourselves the simple question, am I happy?

Maybe I am simplifying it again. When asking yourself that question, put it in context. I do believe happiness is a state of ‘being’, which means that at any given moment you can be happy or unhappy depending on the situation. But I refer to the question of am I happy in this relationship? Am I happy with who I am in this relationship? Let’s not forget we tend to become different people to accommodate someone else in our life/relationship. I believe we should become a better version of ourselves, but if you don’t like what you see when you look honestly in the mirror then you shouldn’t ignore that. But back to the questions. Ask yourself, does this person have my best interest in mind? Does this person try to make me happy? Does he listen to me, does he put me first when he can?

Communication is key, be honest with yourself, and be honest with your partner. If one person is unhappy in the relationship, sooner or later there will be two unhappy people. Address it when you can, to nip it in the bud, and if it doesn’t work out, don’t be sad to move on. Take those lessons with you to find true happiness. Seven years later, my friend said, ‘life is too short to be unhappy’. We know this, yet we tend to think life is longer than it really is. Be happy.

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