Yesterday I felt like I was falling apart, today I feel like I’m on top of the world!  It’s not just that I have a manic personality, but I did some soul searching before I went to bed last night and again when I woke up at 4.30am.

Despite getting almost two weeks off work (a staycation nonetheless), I came back to the office feeling like it was the end of the year, not the beginning.  While everyone else (across social media mainly) were elated about the promise a new year brings, the opportunity to get it right, I was still reeling from the aftermath of last year.  Fear was setting in.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line copy

How were we going to tackle our plans, as grand as they are?  How were we going to add value to our current offering?  How were we going to meet our shortfall?  What were we going to do about staff, replace them or do it all ourselves, or hire consultants?  So many questions, not enough answers. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, my personal life was overwhelming me too.  I’d never been in a situation where both my personal and professional life felt this out of control.

So I decided to take a step back.  I turned off the music as I was working out, and actually talked to myself to get to the root of the problem of it all.  

Yesterday my friend sent me an article about Black girls loving themselves and it really struck a cord.  I spend so much time saying yes to people in my life even if it’s at the expense of my own ‘yes’.  I’m a giver.  And professionally, I’ve always lived by the ‘fake it until you make it’ motto, without stopping to think of when I did make it! 

I just have never found the opportunity to be still and listen to my inner self – not the self depreciating inner self.  But the one who says, ‘hold on, why are you so worried?  you have countless successes, that you did.’  The one who says ‘don’t listen to the haters, don’t worry about what other people think, you don’t need validation because you ARE good enough’.

We all have that inner voice that we suppress, wanting to listen to the critical, harsh voice instead of the nurturing one that speaks of our strength.  That is what it means to love yourself.  It’s to recognise the wonderful, beautiful, capable, strong person that you are – even if no one else sees it.

This world is filled with so many people who hate themselves and want to pull other people down (ugly people I call them), why do it to yourself?  Be one of the beautiful people, not just to the people around you, but to yourself too.  And then take care and nurture yourself too.

A friend of mine once said to me that she didn’t know what had happened in my life to make me this strong, this focussed on my career, but yet so critical and hard on myself.  And I do think there are things in life that try to break us, or indeed break us, and we react to it.  But we don’t have to.  Those things aren’t who we are, they aren’t what we are, and they shouldn’t break you down.  As Whitney (Houston darling) said, ‘I was not made to break’ and neither were you.

Being in love with yourself (aka loving yourself) is an every day journey.  Look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you love yourself – seems weird, but when I look in the mirror and say ‘I love me some her’ (as I think Tamar Braxton would say it), it puts a smile on my face and I can hold my head up just a little bit higher.

As women we look for love in so many places except inside ourselves.  Why are you waiting for a man to tell you how beautiful, special, extraordinary, amazing you are?  How much he loves you, and you make him that more of a person because he has you in his life?  What for?  Tell yourself these things because they are true about you to yourself.  YOU complete You!

My aim is to start this year (which for me is starting now, I’ll ignore the first 7 days when I felt overwhelmed and anxious!), with some inner self-reflection, and some inner self-love.  Taking care of me.  Besides if I love myself and take care of myself, I have more to offer others too – which is ultimately what I like to do – I just won’t do it at the expense of myself, of my soul, and of my well being.

I love me some me.  I’m going to date me.  I’m going to mentor me.  I’m going to trust me.  I’m going to be the me I no longer need to fake.  I have nothing to prove to anyone.  As Drake says ‘I’m a worry ‘bout me’.

It’s not selfish – I think we tend to worry that this way of being is selfish.  It’s not indeed, it’s self-love.  Embrace it, embrace you, and love you like the amazing person you are!

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